My life hasn’t exactly been “mainstream”. Right from the day I was born, mainstream wasn’t really going to be my thing, but that’s a whole other story to be told some other time.
My life has been many things, both good and bad, and in all those many things there is really only one true regret that I have.
I regret that I wished time away when my boys were little. Now that they are teenagers I miss those little boys like crazy. Sure they were noisy, whiny, messy, feral – but on the flipside they were beautiful, loving, cute as buttons, sweet and just so innocent.
I read many blogs of mums with young children and I find myself wishing to be back there. Whilst at the same time I can sense those mums are wishing they might be in the same place I am. Self sufficient children who leave me plenty of time to get on with my own life.
- When they are newborns – we can’t wait until they are older and sleep through the night
- When they are around 3 months we wish they were older so they can crawl and eat real food
- When they start crawling we can’t wait for them to walk
- When they start walking we wish they were 3 months again so we can leave them in once place and they don’t move
- When they are 2 we can’t wait until the are 4 or 5 and we can get them to see logic and reason
- When they are between 6 and 11 we can’t wait until they go to high school so we don’t have to do so much homework with them and we don’t have to drive them/accompany them everywhere
- When they are finally teenagers we wish they were little again because they didn’t challenge us and we were the smartest, prettiest, best people in the world – now we are best kept hidden from friends because we are so embarrassing.
And the biggest wish of all – is when they are nearing late teens we wish we didn’t wish all those times away and spent more time enjoying those little things we took for granted.
This conversation should illustrate the point I am making.
Mum: “Would you like me to read to you tonight?”
Son: Are you serious? I’m 13. When I really wanted you to read to me when I was younger you were always too busy. You’ve missed out – you should have spent more time doing it when I really wanted you to.
That was a conversation between my youngest son and I a few years ago. It cut really deep – the saddest part was he was speaking the truth. I was too busy working, trying to be all things to all people and not really focussing on being a mum to my little boys.
That is my biggest and only regret. The good thing is I do have a great relationship with my boys and I make sure I spend time getting to know who they really are. That conversation was a huge wake up call for me.
If you are a mum reading this and you have young children – go and do something with them now. They are really all that matters. They really are.
J & M I love you to the moon and back infinity times. xx