Right, that should have moved on the male readers of this blog. I’m not really talking about any of the above – but it would be in the best interests of me, if males weren’t reading this particular blog post. Nothing moves a man on faster than talk of periods.
For some reason there have been a few blog posts around the traps lately talking about the annual “pap smear” and the hilarious @bernmorley and I were having a little tweet about it this morning. Particularly the very funny email hoax regarding the “Glitter Facewasher”. If you haven’t read this it is a must. You can see it here.
It reminded me of a very disturbing trip to my local GP for that annual check up a couple of years ago. It was just like any other visit. Pleasantries on arrival, the usual questions, quick blood pressure check and then the invitation to remove clothing from the waist down and hop up on the bed. 27 years on, this is still uncomfortable. I even visit female doctors in the hope that the awkwardness would be less. It usually has been, until this particular day.
I get into the rather fetching position to have the Dr walk over and take a look, a bit like one would appraise a new car. Her head cocked to one side as she says “hmmmmm … nice Vuvla. How many children have you had? It’s really nice?” Initially I have no idea what the hell she just said – I thought we were having a pap smear, not checking out new Volvos!!!! Then she said. “Yes its very nice and _ _ _ _ _ ” (in the interests of good taste you can fill in the blank with a word you might use to describe a nice orange). I KID YOU NOT!!!!!! Sorry if that is TMI, but it needs to be said to give the full picture. Probably not a picture you need, but … you will move on.
At this point I wanted to run, but the business end of the deal had not even been started. I muttered an “umm thank you” and closed my eyes and thought of England!! What does one say to a comment like that? I still have no idea – “why thank you”, “that’s what all the boys say”, “is that normal?”, “I bet you say that to all the girls” … eek!
I have a new doctor now. She doesn’t give me free appraisals and I’m very happy with that.
However, last year for an unrelated visit my new doctor wasn’t available and I had to see Dr Volvo. First thing she says to me when I sit down, “let me just check when you had your last pap smear” … she really did! Thank goodness I had recently had one. Phew!!! She might just be a Doctor who really loves doing pap smears. Personally if I was a doctor it would be up there with filing or preparing expense claims, but hey each to their own I guess.
Some of my friends have actually shown signs of jealousy because their Doctors have never told them theirs was nice. In hindsight, I guess I’m lucky to have been noticed, and, I might add I did not have to use the glitter face cloth to get attention.
I’d be interested to know if anyone else has had this experience??