Fat Pig

Last night I went to the Queensland Theatre Company to see Fat Pig.  To be honest I’d never heard of it.   Horribly offensive title too.  Perhaps I live in a cultural void, because my friends were surprised I’d not read about it.  I’m glad they heard of it and I’m glad they invited me along. What a great play.  Very thought provoking and indeed has prompted this post.   Thanks to the Queensland Theatre Company I have provided a snapshot of the play below, just in case, you, like me, have no idea what I’m talking about!

Fat Pig  By Neil LaBute

When Tom meets Helen in a crowded restaurant, their chance encounter soon develops into a full-blown romance.

Helen is beautiful, smart, funny and just a little on the large size. But to Tom’s self-obsessed work buddies, she’s just plain gross.

As office gossip about their relationship turns increasingly malicious, peer pressure leads to question whether his love for Helen outweighs the shallow stereotypes of his workmates.

Director: Morgan Dowsett
Designer: Renee Mulder
Sound Designer: Tony Brumpton
Lighting Designer: Ben Hughes
Assistant Director: Melanie Wild
Cast includes: Paige Gardiner, Amy Ingram, Steven Rooke and Christopher Sommers

I won’t talk about the play, per se, just in case you want to go and see it.  However I can talk about the theme of it.  Essentially it highlights how judgemental we can be of a person because of their size.  Let’s face it, thin, perfectly toned bodies are what we all envy.  A beautifully sculptured male or female body is very pleasing to the eye.  We all want one.  Truth is most of us won’t ever get one.  Some of us may have had one in the past, some of us may be working towards one for now, but many of us will never even get close.

Anything that is aesthetically pleasing will always get the most attention.  We are geared to be attracted to beautiful things.  People, art, scenery, animals, and even food – beauty is enticing no matter who we are.  The amazingly wonderful thing about us is we are designed so that beauty can mean different things to different people.  Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.  

Same goes for the people we are attracted to.  We are all attracted to a certain type of person and this varies for everyone.  This is the way we are made – if we were all attracted to the same type of person our species would be in serious trouble.

I am going to talk about weight now and I’m going to use the term “fat”.  I’m not using it to be derogatory, offensive or politically incorrect.  I’m merely using it as my word of choice for this post.  Fat is fat.  I can say overweight, large, big boned, horizontally challenged, full figured but I prefer to say fat.  I am fat.  I have fat.  I have fat I don’t like.  Fat has become part of me.  My stomach is fat.  My boobs are fat (they are big but lets be honest – much of it is fat), the top of my arms are fat – they wobble.  I don’t really like my fat, but its part of me.  Body fat is defined as – body mass not made up of bones, muscles, organs or water.  I wasn’t always fat and most people would say I’m not fat now – perhaps a bit overweight?  Whatever.  It’s still fat.

It has been my experience that “most” people are not attracted to fat people.  Most people don’t really like fat on themselves.  Fat seems to conjour up feelings of grossness and disgust in many people.  There are however people out there who love the fuller figure, who prefer their partners to be rounder and cuddlier.  These people rock!

Fat however is also unhealthy in excess.  I know I worry that I have too much fat around my heart.  I’m 47, I could have a heart attack.  I know how to lose weight.  I understand nutrition, I understand metabolism, I understand exercise.  So, why am I fat?  Why are most people who are fat, still fat?  We all know this stuff. 

I’m going to look at this differently.  I’m going to say I like fat.  Fat is comforting.  Fat keeps me warm.  Fat feels nice to cuddle.  Fat makes wrinkles less obvious.  Fat means I don’t have to count calories if I am happy with it.  Does this seem odd?  It feels odd writing it.  I’m thinking I wish I could think this way.  Why don’t I?  Only thing stopping me is society.  The way we view “fat”.

Why are we so obsessed with fat?  I know I am.   Probably less so as I get older, but I am guilty of judging others for being fat.   If I saw a fat lady and an attractive well groomed thinner lady coming towards me on the bus – I’m going to hope the fat lady sits somewhere else.  Why?  Because she’s fat?  Probably.  It’s how we think.  My initial thoughts are “how disgusting, how can she let herself get like that?”.   I hope she doesn’t sit next to me because she’ll spill into my seat, she’ll huff and puff and she’ll just annoy me.   That’s so wrong.  But, if we are really honest here, most of us do it.   We shouldn’t, but we do.   We have no right to judge, we don’t know what her life is about.  We don’t know if she finds comfort in her food, we don’t know if she finds comfort in her fat. Perhaps her fat is a protection for her?  Perhaps she was sexually abused when she was thinner, more attractive, and perhaps the fat is her protective barrier against abuse?

The play I saw last night was about a fat girl.  She was fat.  She was beautiful.  She was funny.  She was lovely.  She was a nice person.   She fell in love with a cute guy who wasn’t fat.  He fell in love with her.  His friends were not fat.  His friends were judgemental.  His friends were nasty.   His friends were obsessed with themselves and their looks.  His friends were shallow.   His friends, unfortunately, were many of us, taken to the extreme of course.  But nonetheless I saw elements of me in these nasty people.  I saw elements of my friends, my family, people I love. 

As we left the play, one of these said friends said “Wow, that made me think about how awful I am sometimes.  I’m going to think about what I say and how I think.”   Now I know that I felt the same way.  I also know that we are not truly going to change, because inherently we are all judgemental to some degree.  It is part of our make up.  I guess it’s use is to keep us striving to be better people.   I know I am less judgemental as I get older, but it is still there. 

Body image can cause so many problems in life.  I’ve had friends who have been anorexic and bulimic, I never understood why – they were beautiful.  I have fat friends who I love dearly, but they have self esteem issues because of this.  I had a husband who would have left me if I got fat.  True.  He would have.  Luckily I left him first.  Boooyeah!!!

The reason I have used the word “FAT” so much throughout this post is to highlight how much we let a very small word define so many things about so many people.  Let’s not.  Let’s not let words like fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful define us as humans.

Amy Ingram is a fine actor.  Amy Ingram is beautiful.  She is funny.  She is kind.  She is smart.  She is someone I would like to have as a friend.  I don’t need to describe her size to define her.  Yet, we mostly do.  I wish we didn’t.

How would you describe yourself?  Do you always add your size/shape in your description?


About Annieb25

A mum to 2 teenage boys, would be writer, thirsty for knowledge, Radio Solution solver on Radio 1116 4BC and so much more!!
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57 Responses to Fat Pig

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  2. Belle Samson says:

    Loved it Annie, I can relate to everything you have mentioned on this blog.

    I love my fat!!!!

    I look at it every day and think I really should do something about it but then just resign myself to the fact that that is how my body wants to be and that’s ok by me. My hubby has never complained and says he loves me no matter how I look and I believe him.

    I don’t eat a whole lot of junk food and have the occasional blow outs on carbs and fats which keep my body looking the way it is (a bit on the chubby side). I know that if I were to exercise I could shift those extra kilos in no time but it’s winter now and I can cover it all up with black clothing. I have every intention of getting back into Zumba classes soon so my body will be looking a few kilos slimmer for my 50th birthday in October.

    I do worry though about obesity in others and especially in children. Seeing already obese families sit down to a huge nosh up at any of the nasty take away food establishments disturbs me deeply. I get it in my head that this is a form of child abuse but then my next thought is to feel sorry for the parents as they obviously don’t know any better.

    The way of the world is changing and we are becoming far more aware of healthy eating habits which is already benefiting the youth of today. Hopefully obesity related illnesses will be a thing of the past in the not too distant future.

    • Annieb25 says:

      Perhaps as we get older we get more comfortable in our own skin? I don’t hate my fat as much as I used to and I’ve learnt to hide it with clothes – I don’t know that I’ll ever embrace it and let it all hang out though!

  3. Thea says:

    Oh my goodness Annie, I haven’t seen the play or head of it, but this topic is exactly what I wanted to blog about today. You have said everything I wanted to say WAY better than I could have said it (including having a husband who would have left me if I got fat, but I left him first, boooyeah!)

    I am overweight, I mean FAT, too, in the same places as you…damn wobbly arms.
    I wish I could get to a point in my life where I’m either happy with my weight, or fix it. But I’ve come to believe this is just how I’ll feel for life. I thought I was fat when I was 54kgs. How ridiculous.

    • Annieb25 says:

      It is a great play Thea. I know what you mean about never being happy with your weight. When I was 55 kg I thought I was fat too. Now that I’m 70 kg I have no idea what I was thinking back then!!

  4. Kylie L says:

    Great blog Annie- ties in with Indy’s too! I am the opposite- naturally quite skinny, to the point that I get a bit gaunt if I’m not careful or exercise a lot (and I eat heaps. It’s unfair, I know- just genes and a ridiculously fast thyroid/metabolism). My husband’s best friend calls me The Mantis, which kind of sums it up- and I sort of define myself like that too. It’s hard not to- yet I don’t know any men who define themselves like this. It’s crazy. It’s hard to stop. 😦

    • Annieb25 says:

      Thanks Kylie. I just read Indy’s blog and we were definitely on the same page with our writing today. I used to be v.skinny, but a sluggish, underactive thyroid soon fixed that problem! Us women do tend to define ourselves by our shape. Not sure why we are like this & men aren’t so much.

  5. It sounds as though the play is everything the film Shallow Hal tried to be and is not. It’s important for us to think about this stuff, even though we think about it way too much (if you know what I mean). I am constantly wishing I were thinner. I can’t even remember why any more. But this is not a subject that I can cover in a comment – it would take an essay and even then it wouldn’t touch the sides.

    • Annieb25 says:

      Al, the play was amazing. The actors were brilliant. I think we always think we will be happy if we were thin and looked fabulous in size 8 – 10 clothes. I was that size for a long time but still worried about my flabby stomach. We do think about it too much, but for all the wrong reasons.

  6. prospeter says:

    Seriously, You’ve got to get a gig writing for a dollar Deary!… You just get better and better!.. Great Post, Great Content, Great Perspective. I just love reading your work Annie!!

    • Annieb25 says:

      Have you got a gig for me? Seriously would rather be writing than doing what I do! I’m really glad you enjoy reading my posts and I’m glad you come to read them. Thank you!

  7. I have goose bumps reading this.
    I am happy with my size. I am happy that I am healed from bulimia.
    My husband says I could lose a little (but he’d never leave me if I got fat) and it’s true I could but I’d rather eat chocolate everyday, and I’d rather sit at my computer and write than go and exercise.
    I love what you’ve said here in this post.

    • Annieb25 says:

      Oh I am so happy that you are healed from bulimia too. Wow it’s a great thing that you can say you are happy with your size. You look absolutely gorgeous in any photos I’ve seen of you. I’m with you on the chocolate and sitting at the computer. Exercise is not really my strong point. I would like it to be, sometimes, but then I wake up and realise I was dreaming. xx

  8. LisaNReynolds says:

    It’s tough enough that we live in a society so pre-occupied with weight, but the saddest thing is how early body image issues are becoming apparent. A friends 5yo daughter recently said she didn’t want to eat ‘carbs’ anymore. Her mother was dumbfounded, as was I. This little girl, who is naturally long & lean like her mum, is already on the thin-is-better roller-coaster and she hasn’t even started school yet. Scary times 😦

    • Annieb25 says:

      I find it absolutely staggering how young girls are these days worrying about their body image. I honestly don’t remember thinking about it until well into high school. I wouldn’t have known what a carb was when I was 5, 8, 10 or 15. It is very very scary indeed.

  9. Tracy Rudd says:

    Wow! Topical. This is one of the many subjects @missmandie & I covered on our tweetup last night (actually, it was more like a job interview for a new friend – I think we both got the gig… 😉 ). It’s that kind of subject, and you’ve covered it here so effectively. I like the way the whole post reverberates to the tune of ‘fat’ – as you say, such a little word that means so many things to different people.

    I’ve had my own small struggle with weight in the last couple of years, and it really made me look at how I think about the whole thing. I used to be like Kylie – super-thin, super-fast metabolism, regularly accused of anorexia though anyone who knew me laughed (I ate like a horse!). I also come from a family with a strong health & well-being focus and background so, compared to the average, I ate incredibly well. Yet time, repeated pregnancies & an unhappy marriage took their toll on my system, and suddenly there was a person I didn’t quite recognise in the mirror.

    I tried, for a while, to sit gently with that person. I wanted to be able to embrace the changes that circumstances had wrought on me without judging myself too harshly. If I was comfortable with who I am, why should it matter if I carried a few more kilos than I used to? I finally had curves – I had BOOBS! A bit of a wobble here and there didn’t make me less of a person…did it?

    One day, I looked at a recent photo and freaked out. That person was me, sure. But I was carrying weight that was basically the result of unhappiness and a drastically-slowed metabolism, and I had the knowledge & tools to do something about it, and I wasn’t unhappy any more…so it was time to kick my own arse and do something about it. And so I did! Nine months, 7 kilos, and 4 jean sizes later, I still have a softly rounded tummy and slightly wobbly upper arms, but I like who I see in the mirror. My outer matches my inner.

    The little girl citing evils of carbs? Frightening. Yes, as a society we tend to judge too harshly based on appearances. But when, too often, fat is a symptom of poor nutrition, ignorance and unhappiness, I think it’s okay to continue to have a dialogue about it and encourage people to match their outer with their inner selves, for the greater wellbeing of all.

    Just don’t call me fat, okay?

    • Annieb25 says:

      You are amazing! It is hard when you go from being thin and able to eat whatever to suddenly having to worry about weight. I know I’m about 10 kgs away from where I would like what I see in the mirror. I do need to get healthier and I know I will do it – eventually. It is a strange world we live in. So much judgement, and most of it we probably do to ourselves. I think if we are healthy and happy – size should not matter to anyone.

  10. Tracy Rudd says:

    PS. Sorry for writing a second post in your comments…it IS that kind of subject! LOL xx

  11. Bern Morley says:

    Great post Annie.

    I think I’ve thought about weight ever since my first boyfriends boss met me for the second time and shook my hand and said “Put on a bit of weight on your arse there Bern”. And I went mental on the exercise. But I was a little bit confused with good eating because I lived on peas corn and POTATO. Heaps of it. Hello Carb city. So effectively, I yo-yoed. It wasn’t until I met my husband and we were just completely happy, that I stopped worrying.

    But of late, the weight is piling on and I can safely put it down to how much time I sit on my arse. Full stop. My eating habits haven’t changed, I’ve had all the blood tests done and nothing is wrong there. I’m just a lazy arse.

    So, I’m starting to realise that no matter what we say, everyone looks at everyone else and generally makes a assumption based on looks. But I find the more I talk to someone, the more I pay little attention to that and just fall in love with their personality. Or want to punch them. Either way xxx

    • Annieb25 says:

      Wow that guy sounds like a big wanker!! I was chuckling about your peas, corns and potatoes diet. Yuck! I’m sure age has a lot to do with piling on weight. Must be preparation for old age. I think old people are healthier if they are a bit fatter. I’m telling myself this anyway! I don’t mind that you are piling on the weight (I’m sure it’s not piles) because I have fallen in love with your personality. You are tops!

  12. Girl Clumsy says:

    Errr… I’m going to TRY to get along to this show but I’ll probably fail…. just as I fail at any kind of dietary/exercise-ery discipline… so I’m porky! Pudgy! More Chins than a racist Chinese joke!

    Now people will think I’m one of those HATERZ. I don’t even know anymore. Who wouldn’t want to be slim? Slim is nice. But I’ve got STUFF TO DO and THINGS TO EAT. Bad things. Deliciously bad things…

    Sorry I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m so tired….

    The point? We’re all a bunch of judgemental fools.

    • Annieb25 says:

      I hope you do get the show, but I’m not sure you will get a ticket. They were hard to get. I totally get what you say about things to do and things to eat – I love my bad delicious things too! And yes we are all our own worst enemies in terms of judging.

  13. Kate Hunter says:

    Great post, Annie, A couple of years ago, when I was pregnant with my third, I was helping my mother-in-law with her shopping. She is 80. I complimented her on her trousers and asked if she’d made them. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I find it so hard to buy trousers that fit, because I have no bottom.’ ‘Ha!’ I said, ‘I’d love to have that problem!’ To that, she said thoughtfully, ‘Yes, I’ve noticed that both my boys married girls with big bottoms.’ So not only am I fat, but my sister-in-law is, also! After my shock and horror, I realise that Betty meant nothing unkind. She was making an observation and might just as easily have said, ‘Both my boys married blondes.’ The problem was mine, not hers. I kind of envy the fact that my mother-in-law grew up in a time where saying something about someone’s size was not so loaded.

    • Annieb25 says:

      I would love to be part of a time where you could say “my you have a big bottom” and noone would take offense to it. Times were much simpler. Truth be known back then the fact that your bottom was big would be a sign that you had good quality breast milk!!

      However I need to know – did you have a bumectomy or something, because I recall meeting a petite little blonde lady called Kate Hunter at your book launch? Did you send in a body double?

  14. sass says:

    I come from a family of “fat people”all who make unhealthy eating and lifestyle choices.
    From my grandmother with diabetes insisting that a piece of chocolate cake isn’t going to hurt her, to my aunt who knew the consequences of being overweight is now also diabetic. Sadly, is is the main carer for my grandmother. I was horrified when going with them to do the food shopping a couple of years ago to see the amount of crap in their shopping trolley.

    Bring my mother into the picture, a self confessed “fatophobe” who will happily announce to the dinner table that she couldn’t possibly eat anything for dinner as she had a piece of toast for lunch and “couldn’t fit it in if she tried”
    So awful are her barbing remarks -“Are you SURE you aren’t pregnant Sass, you sure look it” in front of our family reunion and singing the Oompah Loompah song if I’m eating, has had me in sobbing tears and resorting to diet pills and crash dieting before I have to see her.

    I never wanted to be fat.
    When I did get fat I was ashamed of myself. I can’t even tell you how many times we have cancelled our evening plans because I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.
    I’m lucky that I have a wonderful, loving and gentle husband that thinks I’m beautiful even in my size 16 trackpants.
    I do wish however that everyone else would see me that way.

    Great post Annie!!

    • Annieb25 says:

      Oh Sass I cried when I read your reply. I wanted to hug you for all the times you felt you had to take diet pills & crash diet before you saw your mother. That made me so sad for you. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. You are gorgeous inside and out and you should never forget that. xx PS Your hubby sounds divine. You should keep him long time.

  15. Jodi Gibson says:

    Great post Annie! Your honesty is so refreshing.
    Bottom line is we are all judgmental. Full Stop. Whether we want to be or not, whether we mean to be or not. Whether judging fat or slim, we are still judging. Evenso, it is my one goal in life to try so, so hard NOT to be judgmental. I wrote a post on my blog about this earlier in the year.

    On a side note, something which I always find interesting is watching my 2 year old. She loves cuddly people, okay ‘fat’ people. She loves to cuddle and snuggle into my two close friends who are overweight and my Dad who is on the cuddly side too. And I mean really cuddle them. We recently had visitors for the weekend and she picked out the cuddliest one to cuddle. I kid you not!

    I’m not fat, although have some ‘fat’ I definitely don’t like particularly since having children, but I musn’t be as warm and cuddly as my friends or Dad! So perhaps I am the one missing out!

    • Annieb25 says:

      Your two year old is on the money. I love cuddling “fat” people. They give the worlds best hugs. Awesome. They seem to have love pouring out of them through their hugs. So nice. I will check out your earlier blog regarding judgement. Thanks for reading my posts. xx

  16. Fantastic post, Annie.

    When I was a teenager, I, like Kylie and Tracy, was always very thin, to the point I was teased about being anorexic (I wasn’t – also a fast metabolism). I felt very insecure, and I hated it when people would say to me, “Oh – you’re so skinny!” I never call anyone ‘skinny’ as a result of that. Even my two eldest sons, who are both very thin, I refrain from using the word, because I despised it when I was younger. It used to make me feel so insecure. In fact, I’ve only become more comfortable with it in the last 10 years or so. (Some people use it as a compliment, but I’d still prefer to be called ‘slim’!)

    I’m not comfortable with my podgy tummy and “love handles” though, mostly because I know it’s due to the fact that I’m lazy and not doing enough exercise. Like Bern, I need to get off my arse! And I’m working on that now. I don’t want to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight – just get toned up and healthy. Health is the key here. I’ve always said, if you eat the right foods, indulge occasionally in the not-so-great stuff, exercise regularly and drink lots of water, then whatever weight you are – that’s your weight. We have to throw out scales. It’s only a number. I might *naturally* be a size 8, but that doesn’t mean the person standing next to me is *naturally* the same size.

    Anyway, I’ve digressed a little, but what I wanted to say is – I AGREE! Let’s not ‘label’ people by their size. Let’s look at that person based on who they are, not what they look like. I will still judge – I know it – but like you, I do it less and less as I get older, and I’m quite pleased with myself when I can find something good to say about someone, even if know no one else can. A woman once told me, “You can always find something nice to say about anyone, regardless of who there are.” And I think that’s true.


    • Annieb25 says:

      I love your last paragraph. While I was writing my post I was thinking about the “blogging without makeup” day. Us women can be our own worst enemies yet we can be our biggest supporters all at once. I too always try and find something nice about everyone, because everyone does have something nice about them. xx

  17. Seraphim says:

    This was really thought provoking to read. I could write an essay in response but it wouldn’t be as good as what you wrote. Interesting how our context influences our response. Thanks so much for this Annie x

    • Annieb25 says:

      The play was extremely thought provoking. I am still thinking about it tonite. Oh I’m sure you could have written it much better than I. xx

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  19. Carol says:

    I’m fat, although not as fat as I used to be. I love food. I eat too much. I don’t drink much – booze that is – but I love to eat. And I’m lazy. I hate exercise. A lot.

    And as much as I’d love to say you take me as I am or not at all, I know we just don’t live in that world.

    I wish we did.

    In the meantime, I’m going to have some excellent fucking Callebaut hazelnut chocolate and a glass of wine.

    • Annieb25 says:

      I too love to eat and am lazy. I like chocolate far too much and moving far too little.

      I wish our world was more accepting of people for who they are not what they are – sometimes I think we are evolving more towards this then other times I don’t.

  20. Liz K says:

    Liz is late again…

    I’m heavier than I probably should be but I’m not concerned. I almost never bother to weigh myself and I refuse to diet. If I could get some more exercise I’m sure I’d tone up but who gets time with kids/work/running the house. There was a time when I was slim, very slim perhaps. I got told I was fat & didn’t think I had anything close to a decent figure. They were wrong, I wasn’t fat and I wouldn’t say I am now but I have fat on my body, that’s okay 🙂

    I have always been aware of my prejudices and how reaction/casual remarks can inflict great harm so I am careful with what I say although I don’t always manage to control my reactions and my thoughts are my own. Like you Annie, I might see someone who is overweight and not want them sitting next to me on a train etc. However, outside of their size causing me potential physical discomfort I feel no prejudice. At times I feel sad for friends who are very overweight because of the restrictions it can place on their life and the prejudice they encounter. They’re still my beautiful friends though 🙂 Always will be 🙂

  21. Love the post and the responses.

    I come from a fat family and have been overweight myself in the past. Currently I could lose a few kilos and tone up a bit but I don’t think of myself as fat. Like others above, I just need to step away from the keyboard occasionally and actually move.

    I am the only member of my family to not have certain medical problems, because I am the only one that has managed to lose weight and keep it off (more or less) instead of simply growing larger as the years go by. Diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and multiple other problems have passed me by because I keep my weight within a healthy range – not because I am thin, but because being ‘healthy’ is my aim rather than a particular number on a scale or clothing label.

    I try not to judge others for their size and given my background I really shouldn’t, but the thoughts just pop in don’t they, especially when you see larger parents with overweight children eating hot chips before 9am (happened to me a few days ago at a local shopping centre). It’s a sobering thought to think about what they might think about me as they watch me going past.

    I think it is one of the wonderful things about friendships made via blogs, forums, twitter etc. We meet people and decide whether we like them based on what they say and how they say it, not how they look, how they dress, their age or the colour of their skin. Saved from our own irrational prejudices.

    • Annieb25 says:

      I totally agree with what you have said in your last paragraph. I love my friendships on Twitter and via blogs – it is a meeting of the minds and hearts – areas that might not be touched if we met at a real life function etc. Time spent during these things are very superficial and a lot of judgement going on, whether we want to or not. Here, we are reading words, words from deep inside our twitter friends hearts and minds. I am so lucky to have met some truly beautiful people.

  22. emlykd says:

    I wasn’t and have never been comfortable in my own skin… I have recently lost 24kg, and it’s not enough… I need to lose more… I am 25, I will be 26 years old in a week. I am single. And I want to be thin.. I know I am a nice person…. I know I am kind and loving… But all I want is that my body reflects about me what I feel on the inside.. I feel like I am a beautiful person, but I want to be desired.

    Don’t get me wrong…. I know that I am not the sum of what I look like… I know that what I look like is not all of me… I know there is more to me than what I look like. And I know that a thin, pretty person can be made ugly once you get to know them on the inside and their personality doesn’t reflect the aesthetics. What I know is, that my heart and my mind and my personality doesn’t necessarily get a look-in because ppl don’t see past the physical appearance.. Or they don’t see past the nervous girl who is jittering with anxiety and stress at simply meeting new people. I guess, what I am trying to say here is that I agree with what your saying.. But it doesn’t seem to be the way the world works….

    I guess for me, a big part about losing weight has been that I am healthier, and I am happier for that…

    Great post, Annie!!!! I really love how you write and I find you an inspiration!! xxxx

    • Annieb25 says:

      You are such a sweet girl Em. I looked at some photos of you on Facebook at a party last weekend and you are beautiful. You have a gorgeous, smiling, friendly, kind, beautiful face and a heart to match. It is a shame the world is how it is because so many people miss out on know truly beautiful people because they are only interested in looking at the wrapping paper. In your case I don’t think you have to worry because your wrapping paper is sparkly and pretty and if people don’t want to spend the time to unwrap you, they don’t deserve your time. I am so proud of the weight you have lost and the fact that you are healthier is the main thing. That should be the key reason for losing weight. Thank you for your beautiful comment. My motivation for writing is to inspire. If I inspire one person and make one person feel better about themselves it is a happy day. xxx

  23. Jane says:

    What a great post! You’ve definitely given me a few things to think about. All these comments are really interesting to read too!

    For me personally, I never really consider my body size to be part of who I actually am. I see it as a separate thing. I’m not fat. Chances are, I never will be. Both my parents are slim and I’ve been taught how to eat well and exercise so I’m hoping that sticks as I grow older.

    I remember a while ago, Mia Freedman wrote in her newspaper colum about how women seem to spend their lives regretting their lack of appreciation for how their bodies looked 10 years ago. This has really stuck with me, and as a result, I’m trying to enjoy and embrace my 20yo body because I know that when I’m 30 and things are starting to head south, I wont want to look back with regret.

    I also wanted to say that I totally agree with what Jodie said about everybody having a different natural body shape. Comparing ourselves against the Mirandas and Giseles of the world is such a waste of time! Taking care of ourselves and living the healthiest life we can manage is all we need to do. xx

  24. Annieb25 says:

    I like the way you think Jane. I wish I had that advice when I was in my 20’s and built like a whippet. I’m trying to embrace what being 47 is like know that when I’m 57 I’ll want what I had at 47. Ahh we are so complex. Thank you for coming to my blog and for your comment. xx

  25. Maxabella says:

    This is a really terrific post, Annie. It’s a topic that’s very dear to my heart and so I’m going to gather my thoughts and post my way back to you very soon.

  26. Jenny Chapman (@jayjaycee1) says:

    Hi Annie, and wonderful commentators,

    I understand fat, and the ‘shame’ of it. Have lived with it all my life – regardless of what size I am. When thin I still ‘felt’ fat, and when fat I would hide in the shadows of my life and hope no-one notices me.

    I do project that shame, onto others, in the form of judgements and prejudice – far more than I wish. But mostly, I judge my own self very, very harshly. This is my downfall. Healthy, for me, would be freedom from the obsession with body size and shape, and the freedom that comes from self-trust. Healthy, too, because I would be living my life to it’s fullest, and my selfcare an unconscious part of that…

    I understand that judgement, and self-judgement in particular, can be one of the most socially and individually destructive things in our culture, society, and even planet. For whatever reason.

    Social conditioning can be hard to change, on a personal and social level, but I am glad for plays such as Fat Pig, that bring such toxic thinking out in the open.

  27. Hi Annie,

    Another corker as usual! I saw the play when it was on at the Sydney Theatre Company a few years ago, it was one of my favourite plays of the season.

    There is a movement called Fat Acceptance, and also Health At Any Size (HAES) that kind of articulates what you are saying I think. I don’t know too much about it but I think that it’s saying, rather than see fat as necessarily a negative term or an insult, why can’t we just see it as a describing word, neither better nor worse than having, say blonde hair or dark skin? It kind of astounds me that certain people who would otherwise be quite egalitarian and sensible in their treatment of others (ie, support gay rights, anti-discrimination,etc) then think it’s ok to deliberately make fun at some one else’s expense because of their size. (I’m thinking specifically of certain comedians but lots of people do it). I think there’s a difference between judging some one as a kneejerk reaction (we all do it at times) and feeling that it’s ok to make some one feel bad on purpose. We can’t necessarily change how we think or feel (although we can analyse the reasons and try to modify our thinking) but we can definately change how we act.

    I think sometimes with the best intentions some people can make it worse, by insisting to friends who think they’re fat that they’re not, as if it’s the worst thing in the world to be. So if your friend thinks she’s fat, rather than saying “no you’re not, really, you’re only size 12, that’s not fat at all!! ho ho ho!” we turn it around and say, “fat or skinny, they’re just labels. You’re you and I love you.” and maybe then it won’t be the last bastion of acceptable public humiliation.

    That’s my take anyway. Thanks for the food for thought!

  28. Great post! I wish I loved my fat but I know it is unhealthy and therefore I would like it to go. It is also a sign of my illness with food that I am passing to my kids, so again I will keep working hard to make it gone. Happy FloYourBlog Friday! Mich x

  29. I invented a new body shape, its called ‘the caterpillar’. Like ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ on saturday night..

  30. Alex says:

    I don’t use the term fat in a negative way…it’s just a descriptive word. Just like skinny, tall, short, blonde, brunette etc but I know that people who are uncomfortable in their own skin, for whatever reason, hate being labelled.

    When husband has been indulging in the Sara Lee and starts to get a little bit jigglier he often sighs and says “Oh woe is me, I’m fat”.

    Well yeah, you are. But I love you anyway. Put down the spoon and let’s go for a walk.

    Love yourself for who you are. 🙂

  31. Brenda says:

    What a brutally honest post, Annie. Thank you for saying out loud what most of us (myself included) would rather not publicly admit. You inspire me.XO

    Ooh, Happy FYBF too.=)

  32. Laura says:

    That sounds like a really good play – one I have never heard of ether. I hate the fat around my waist, but after 2 C-sections, plus a hysterectomy, it seems hopeless, but I don’t dwell on it. I eat my chocolate when I want to.

    Following now from Blog Flow.

  33. Annah says:

    As a size 10 girl, this is something that I struggle with every single day. I like my curves but yeah… I wouldn’t mind being a size 4. Especially living in Miami, people here are EXTREMELY superficial

  34. Melanie says:

    Fat. It’s true, I’m fat. I don’t ever say it on-line. Although my view of fat and textbook definition are different and that’s probably why. Plus, where I live is different. Women here are far, far bigger than I am, so I usually feel average when I’m walking around the store or in the shopping malls.

    It’s only the health information that I know I’m overweight. At my height I should be, at the high end, 150. I’m 185 and that’s after taking off nine pounds. I don’t allow myself to get much fatter, and I exercise on my bike because it makes me feel better. I only indulge in treats when I’m in good moods, not sad so junkfood isn’t a huge part of my life. I never diet because I know that doesn’t work.

    Maybe I’d feel different if my husband treated me differently, but he doesn’t either. I know I’m fat, but…I guess I’m just used to it and as long as I don’t become depressed or a very unhealthy weight, I for one am fine with it.

    Besides, my daughter likes to cuddle up to me more because there’s more of me to cuddle!:)

  35. Christie says:

    Great thought provoking post Annie. A good reminder to keep my judgements in check, which is something I try to be aware of. I know we judge on looks for a reason, it’s a primal thing, to keep us safe, but I’m pretty sure some of the judgements I make have nothing to do with any innate safety mechanisms .
    Having gone to the theatre this weekend too, I am inspired to go to more plays, I had such a great time and enjoyed the live interaction with the audience.

  36. tiff says:

    Firstly, this is the first time I’ve been here and wow. What a first post to come in on.
    Thanks for commenting with such lovely things over at my blog too.

    Okay, so I read that post and I felt so many emotions. Anger, sadness, resolve and… contentment, for want of a better word.
    I am your typical fat girl and I hate my fat and I wish that I could take it all away sometimes.
    Having said all of that, I have been down the thin path too and after being there for a while and looking around me I noticed a few things. The first was that I had become quite judgmental in my path to skinniness, the second was that I was very unhappy and the third was that everyone is different. We all come in different shapes and sizes and we all have things that we don’t like about ourselves.

    I’m fat and I don’t like it and I don’t like being judged but I accept (finally) that this is who I am because I feel comfortable fat, because I feel better being fat than I ever did skinny.

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